october 16,2023, at 2:07pm, i wrote these words to myself:

promise me this, that no matter what, one day before the end of this year, i will go somewhere and create something meaningful. something substantial on a spiritual level, that i can look back on in a few years and have memories flooded back to me, something i can show someone and say "this is me. this is what i think, what i am, this is what i do." and they’d look at it, look at me, and understand a bit more about the world i see.

august 7,2023

various demos collected over the years, all recorded in the voice memos app on my iphone. descriptions of each song come from the notes app where i sketched out the ideas/lyrics for these songs. barebones, so the words mean even more. some of my favorite stuff i've written.

no matter how i wanted to try to "actually" record these songs properly, i couldn't capture the same feeling the demo recordings had. just me, usually in the bathroom, with a guitar, playing to myself every night before bed, staying up because i was putting off some other work or just didn't want to sleep. maybe i'll revisit some of these songs in the future, but for now they exist as this; moments in time where i immediately picked up the guitar and recorded a song on my phone so i wouldn't forget how it sounded in my head.

december 30,2023

a culmination of almost three years of effort; time spent collecting every feeling and memory i’ve felt, compressing it down into 8 tracks that i hope, more than anything, sound like a moment captured in time.

this album is the one i’ve spent the most time and effort on, a collection of almost three years of constant experimentation and song writing; the actual track-list of this album has changed at least 7 times in the past year. but i think i’ve managed to do, at least right now, the best i could do.  i’ve been trying to think of what else i could say to describe the music, but i cant put any of them into words. but i’ve already put it all into sound, and i hope that these 8 tracks can explain not just what i felt when making them, but impart a "vibe"; a vibe i’ve felt the past three years, and a vibe that will nonetheless continue to permeate everything in my life. thank you to whoever listens to this (or even reads this), and here’s to another project.

september 21,2023

i wanted to put together a collection of my favorite songs that i’ve done in the past, a "best of" of my more electronic/synthetic based music. some songs i remember never being able to really make into what i knew they could sound like, so i tried improving some of them (marking them with "(memories)" at the end of the song title). putting it all together, i thought about how much time has passed since i first made those songs. years collected into about 36 minutes of music, feelings compressed into sounds, memories collected in soundscapes that still bring me back to those moments as if they were happening right now.

every song is a memory, and this album is a collection of them — memories.

released january 13, 2023

remnants and demos from fragments (thoughts). only ever released on bandcamp, probably not going to be released anywhere else. just voice memos and scraps of ideas that eventually lead to me making fragments (thoughts).

released december 30, 2021

sometimes when i make a song i wonder if only i can ever find some enjoyment or particular meaning from it. in some way, with this project i’ve made an entire album that’s self-serving. every sound, every lyric, every title, it means something to me. i’d like to believe someone else could see where i’m coming from, but i guess it doesn’t really matter. i express my emotions best when i’m not directly expressing them; when what i feel is coded in some way and the only one who has the key to decrypting this “mess” is me. sometimes i feel like that’s the only way i can express myself without having to impose rationale onto it—if that’s the case then so be it. at least in collecting this fragmented mess of thoughts and forming it into some amorphous yet cohesive idea i’ve accomplished what i think i needed to most—coming to terms with everything so that i can start to move on.

released november 1,2021

anamnesis, the remembering of things from a supposed previous existence.

“i remember my life as if it’s just some dreams that I don’t trust, burning off, layered thick…” i find myself understanding these words more than i ever have since i first heard phil elverum sing those lines in “microphones in 2020”.

although im still very young with the rest of my life in front of me, in the past few years i’ve gone through what seems like a handful of life-altering events. these experiences, for better or for worse, have completely changed who i am today. thinking back to how i would think, act, talk, or even live, everything is different now.

for me, pictures, videos, writings, and music exist as expressions of myself at a time. when i look back at these moments, i reanimate my life that was sealed away in time, just as it was at the moment i made them. before, id see these reanimations with familiarity, making connections between myself now and myself then. but now, i feel like the life i bring back from these moments wasn’t even mine.

this collection of songs was made mostly during that “separation” of myself; my attempt to categorize where exactly i became myself. that deceitful dream, that reverie of what i remember i was is no longer what i am.

released august 20,2021

alternate title: memoirs from me to you

done over the course of the past year. wanted to make an album thats even more personal, breaking past the electronic beats.

on bandcamp is everything that i had in a notes folder about this album. its all the ideas ive had about it over the course of the year i was conceptualizing the album. it's too long to fit here, so go on bandcamp if you want to read that. below is the last entry i had in my notes for the album, the day i pretty much finished making it.

30/09/20

now after finishing wherever we find each other i really want to include it on the album, but have no idea where i would put it/how it would sonically gel with the whole thing. rn it sounds very much like a last track thing, and it very well might be honestly. ill wait until I’ve completed all the planned songs then decide what I’m gonna do with it.

released october 20,2020

scrapped/unused songs from 2019-2020.

released may 20,2020

an album about myself. this is the longest its taken me to record a project and get it all done with. it was conceptualized about a year and a half ago, but totally changed while a lot of my personal life began to develop and change as well. and i think that prevails in this. ive tried writing a summation of this album twice now, and each time i just didnt really know where to start, what to talk about, and where to end. i guess thats an indicator of this album as a whole. i didnt have an exact thing like the previous albums ive had, where i just center it all around this abstract but still very concrete and logical concept. this time its all just based around me. the meanings that i make of it. all these songs probably only mean something to me. the song names probably only cater towards me, rather than being some cool little one word thing that sounds cool universally. and whereas previously, for my other projects, i wouldve really gravitated naturally away from that, i seem to have taken that full on this time. since finishing destruction i knew that the next one was gonna be personal, and especially from the events that have taken place since that album's release, i really knew that it was going to be, whether i consciously made that my mission or not. this is the first time ive included songs ive written on the guitar. ive originally purely kept my music into these two split groups, electronic and guitar, but ive come to combine them as ive gained more knowledge on how to do that, and also just in a general need. no longer was i writing or making songs just for the cool sound of it, but to convey a cool sound of a moment that i wanted to live in. listening back to all of these songs transports me to those moments ive experienced, and all the songs' names do that for me. at this point im rambling on, about nothing. nobody probably cares, but i dont care. so long as it remains true to me, and becomes more of a far off audible memory to me.

released september 19,2019

originally the last album in a trilogy of albums, "creation", "reformation", and this one, "destruction". when i made this, i felt i had finally gotten over a lot of the humps of music production that really slowed me down. i was getting used to making interesting song structures, sampling more, using plug-ins and effects to make everything sound more interesting, and just barely getting familiar with the process of mixing and mastering a track. i called it destruction because this was the end of what i had been working on so far, i wanted my next project to be something bigger, something more personal, something that i could show people and be confident that i put my whole into it. looking back, i think i managed to do that.

the original description for this album was:

my last album in this trilogy of albums. It started with creation, then was reformed in reformation, and ends in destruction.

The message of this album can be found below (check bandcamp, too long for here). Although, I do welcome different interpretations of the album. Enjoy.

This is not my last music project. Just the last in this trilogy of albums.

released january 4,2018

originally this album/ep was a transitory release between "reformation" and "destruction". it wasn't great, a lot of loops and most songs were boring. a few songs were good from it, like "minors within the seventh major", "Untitled.7.25.17.1040", and "Dreamt Life", so i kept them up on soundcloud. everything else will probably just remain in the archives.

released july 30,2017

originally the second album in a trilogy of albums, "creation", this one, "reformation", and "destruction". this one went through a lot of changes, originally having 15 tracks and being a double album (first disc having 6 tracks, second disc having 9 tracks). this was the first album where i switched over from using garageband to using ableton for music production, and it shows (it's very rough). the name, reformation, was meant to reflect how i felt i was reforming my craft in music and getting the hang of it. in reality, there was still a lot to work on, but it's interesting to look at in retrospect.

the original description for this album was:

reform the many mistakes in perfection that one is filled with.

released may 18,2017

originally the first album in a trilogy of albums, this one, "creation", "reformation", and "destruction". this was my first ever album, produced in garageband on my 2015 macbook pro. i remember the first time i opened up garageband, it was a whole new world. there was a magic about the idea of having a full piano inside my computer, being able to play piano, drums, bass, anything all by pressing keys on my keyboard. it was cool, and it was the beginnings of my love with music.

i don't have this album on any streaming platforms, but it was originally 15 songs, 3 discs, disc 1 and 2 having 6 songs each, with disc 3 having 3 "bonus" tracks. a lot of it was extremely repetitive, just a couple chords looped for the entire song with some breakdown in the middle. not amazing, but there are some highlights, like my personal favorite "Minorial Majors" which even now i can listen to and say "hey, that's not that bad". i did leave two songs on soundcloud, "Simplified" and "Minorial Majors", the rest i deleted because i was running out of minutes available to upload (pointless because i got pro unlimited later, but whatever i'll take that L).

the one piece of writing that remains from this album that i love is the description of "Simplified", where 2016 me says:

"Cool little song I worked on while bleeding profusely out of my nose. Hope you enjoyed. on my new album dropping 2020, stay tuned."

unbeknownst to me, i would've dropped ~5 albums by then.

released sometime in 2016